It's my observation that one of the greatest sources of pain for humans is a feeling of isolation and alone-ness. I remember in my early 20s, living in Washington, D.C., and trying to begin to find my way as an adult, I felt very strongly that we all might as well face the harsh reality that, "you come into this world alone and you die alone." Don't forget to cue the dramatic music when you say things like this.
As an almost forty year old woman, I feel very differently. I've observed many, many people over my 13 years as a social worker. People from vastly different socio-economic backgrounds, religious traditions (or lack thereof), ethnic variation, etc. I've read many books, listened to CDs, and taken classes from many wise people. I've come to believe that our sense of isolation is a selfish kind of illusion. Kind of like a bad hair day in junior high school, when you think, 'God, everyone is probably looking at me and wondering how she can let herself out of the house with that ugly hair.' The truth, as we get older is that no one cares about our hair as much as we do. When we feel oh-so-alone we get a sick kind of pleasure out of it - 'no one understands me!' I don't think we allow ourselves to see things as they really are - that in many important ways we are connected with one another and, at the risk of sounding hyperbolic, with we are connected with everything.
Two pieces of media in the past week were illuminating to me along these lines. First, an interview on Talk of the Nation last Thursday: http://www.npr.org/2012/04/19/150974004/crack-addict-aspires-to-ninety-days-of-sobriety
with Bill Clegg, who wrote Portrait of an Addict as a Young Man, a book about his experience as an alcoholic and drug addict, and his sobriety. He talks about the 12-step community and wishing that every un-addicted person could experience the same sense of community that people in recovery do. His 12-step community provides him a place to check in with other people who remind him that he is not alone in his struggles. His community keeps him humble as he faces addiction.
Kind of ironically, I found another great article that talked about experiencing a spiritual sense of community/communion as part of cutting edge palliative care for people dealing with life-threatening illness or actually facing the end of life. In very controlled, clinical settings, psilocybin, the active ingredient in 'magic mushrooms' is being used to assist people with facing their fears surrounding their own end of life. The article is from the New York Times Magazine on Sunday, http://www.nytimes.com/2012/04/22/magazine/how-psychedelic-drugs-can-help-patients-face-death.html?ref=magazine
This is research that I've been reading about for several years and it looks good - that the controlled use of this substance in a clinical setting can profoundly and positively reduce anxiety and fear related to facing end of life. I like what Dr. John Halpern says (he is head of the Laboratory for Integrative Psychiatry at McLean Hospital in Belmont, MA), "you have an experience in which you feel there is something you are a part of, something else is out there that's bigger than you, that there is a dazzling unity you belong to, that love is possible and all these realizations are imbued with deep meaning." This is a transcendent experience. Many very spiritual people (yogis, contemplative nuns/monks) experience this without using substances...but to me, this speaks to the mystery and the draw to unnameable sense that many of us have, "I don't know what it is, but there is something very good, and bigger than anything I can possibly understand."
In the end, we must allow for paradox. We are comforted in being unique and we are comforted in feeling and knowing that we are interconnected. Do we need magic mushrooms to get there? Do we need support groups? I don't know. I just encourage you to look at the world around you, listen to all different kinds of people. Your compassion will increase, your sense of connectedness - with yourself and with others. The world will be less scary and far, far less painful.
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