it's just a movie

"Life is a comedy for those who think, and a tragedy for those who feel."  - Horace Walpole

In college I went with my roommate to see the movie, "Awakenings" with Robert De Niro and Robin Williams.  It was about Dr. Oliver Sacks, who worked with institutionalized adults who awoke, briefly, from persistent, nearly vegetative existence.  I bawled my eyes out. As the lights rose and people began to exit the theater, my dear roommate, Krissie, looked at me very matter of factly and with near disdain  and said,  "It's just a movie."

You know, life changes you.  Experience shaped me from being a feeler to a thinker (that thinker was probably in there all along, but that's another part of the story).

Mary Pipher is a psychotherapist and author, who I admire a great deal.  She wrote Reviving Ophelia and Letters to Young Therapist, among other books.  In Letters to a Young Therapist, she conveyed that people have three functions:  THINK, FEEL, and DO (ACTION).  Most of us are out of balance toward one of these things.

Now, as I said, I am a thinker.  Sometimes I imagine that my brain is my main sensory organ, with fingers of thought that reach out and experience the world.  Whether it's a first impression or a gradual understanding, I am very aware of my thoughts.  For me, it's probably easiest for me to "do", next.  I think that's something I enjoyed about working in hospice, where an emergency or unpredictable situation could come up at any moment - it's not hard for me to think, then act.  I guess, something akin to people who work in an ER.

So at this moment in my life, my biggest challenge, the place I most have to pay attention, is my feelings.   I am so busy thinking and doing, that I don't always take the time to feel.  I notice this particularly under stress - at my worst, I can turn into kind of automaton, a la Mr. Spock from Star Trek.  I don't think this comes across to people on the outside, but I've realized that this is what can happen inside. 

But, as always, it seems like what we all need is:  First,  AWARENESS/INSIGHT and Then, BALANCE.  Poetry has become an important way for me to pay attention to, and feel my feelings.  Journaling is something else that helps me.  Listening to music, going to movies, taking time for silence and meditation, these are ways for me to not turn off my feelings (or trick myself into thinking they're turned off).

Maybe your wife is a feeler and you're a thinker.  Maybe you're a feeler and your boss is a do-er.  You can see where these differences can sometimes be wonderful and complementary and other times lead to conflict!  I've found that it's worth  considering whether we tend to be thinkers, do-ers, or feelers.  Not only can it help us begin  to get a better sense of balance, a steadier place to come from, it can help us understand where we might be having differences with people we love.