walking a mile in another man's shoes

In 9th grade English class, we read To Kill a Mockingbird, and in addition to the paper that we had to write on the theme "conscience", I most remember our bubbly little teacher, Mrs. Campbell, repeating Atticus Finch's words "you can never really know a man until you walk a mile in his shoes."  (Atticus is such an awesome dad).

So, this week I tried that out, in a more specific way.  In theory, I'm forever walking a mile in another man's shoes, or at least trying to, because as a therapist, empathy is one of my more important tools.  But this week, I found myself considering empathy in amore  personal way - an issue came up with someone in my life - and in many ways, I felt I couldn't understand where that person was coming from.

I'm a big advocate of journaling - so I was journaling about this issue and suddenly the idea came to me about walking a mile in another man's shoes.  I decided to write a letter to myself as if I were that other person, a letter that had me addressing the conflict to ME, but from THAT person's point of view entirely.

It really helped.  For me, it didn't help because suddenly I understood something about the 'other side' that I didn't understand before.  I could have told you all the facts before I wrote the letter.  What it helped me do was feel the other person's feelings. And when I felt those feelings, my heart opened up a little.  The whole situation feels a little looser to me now, the conflict doesn't feel like a conflict.