when old definitions of 'you' don't fit

We all have songs, books, pop culture moments that resonate with us and help us have a sense of connection in the world.

Alan Ball, the creator of Six Feet Under and True Blood is a touchstone for me in this way.  A few years ago I heard him interviewed, maybe on the Actor's Studio?   Anyway.  He talked about Six Feet Under as a response to death and dying in his own life and the heaviness of that project.  He then compared that to his later work, True Blood - how these vampire/supernatural stories are a metaphor for becoming most fully who you are or want to be or are meant to be in the world.

This resonates with me in two ways - as a hospice social worker, death, dying and grief permeated my being.  My answer to it - I didn't even know I had an answer - was my poetry.  And the second part of it is this:  when I transitioned from hospice social work to private practice, I had a strong celebratory sense - that I was becoming, changing, growing into some important part of me that I had previously been unsure of or reluctant to let myself explore. 

It makes me think about how we all define ourselves and where those definitions come from.  An example from my own life is a statement about me that I grew up being told from the outside and incorporating in to a sense of my early adult self:  Katy is cute.  Cute.  c-u-t-e.  I accepted that statement from the outside.  Cute meant, sweet, funny, loveable, easy to be around, non-controversial, dimunitive, not very assertive and certainly not aggressive.   There came a moment in my life where that was uncomfortable. I didn't like it.  It didn't feel like me. It was like some clothing that I'd outgrown.   It was hard to overcome this definition though.  Here is a place where poetry gave me an outlet for practicing how to redefine myself.  Through my poetry, I expressed myself in ways that were angry, aggressive, sexual,  embittered, resentful, faithless.  A lot of it came from facing so much death.  That wasn't so cute. And to make matters more complicated, I made myself get up and read those poems in front of rooms full of strangers. It was totally freeing!   I began to realize that cute was fine, but that it didn't define me.  That I could define and broaden my realization of myself and it wasn't up to anybody else to do this for me.  In fact, I didn't have to accept anything that anyone else told me about myself and not just in this one aspect - in any aspect.

I think it's worth considering what you believe about yourself.  Statements you unconsciously live by that define you.  Where did those come from?  Do they fit anymore?  If they don't...how do you want to go about redefining yourself?  What fits better now?  Are there secret, wonderful parts of you itching at you to let them out?

I think it can be fun - we are not one way and always one way.  We grow and change over time and sometimes parts of ourselves contradict ourselves.  There's room for it all and it's a happy thing to become the person you want to be in the world.