thoughts on forgiveness

I think forgiveness is one of the most misunderstood virtues. (If you can call it a virtue - maybe it's more of a 'quality.' Still, it's misunderstood). For what it's worth, my opinion is that forgiveness is not: 1) the feeling that everything is fine; or 2) the feeling of being happy with the person you've forgiven..

In fact, I think forgiveness is probably not a statement.

In church Sunday, the minister talked about Process Theology - a theological concept in which God is understood as a process. God, rather than being a person-like, but spiritual being, is a verb and is continually "happening." Martin Luther King, Jr. studied and considered Process Theology, but ultimately put his faith in a more personal God, an image of God that is in a sense more 'human' - and certainly in which humans are created in His image. All interesting ideas and not to be wishy-washy, but on any given day, God to me, can be any and all of these things/ideas.

But the idea of PROCESS and forgiveness is what's hitting home this week, as I continue to think about the shootings in Tucson, ongoing racial and gender injustice in our world, and also the personal/interpersonal concerns of my own life.

One amazing example of large scale forgiveness can be found in Rwanda - where in 1994 in 100 days over 1 million minority Tutsi's were massacred. I encourage you to take a look at this abstract from a 2009 New Yorker: http://www.newyorker.com/reporting/2009/05/04/090504fa_fact_gourevitch
Basically, because those who committed genocide are living side by side in villages with victims of the genocide, the state has implemented a policy of forgiveness courts. Here, perpetrators stand before families of their victims and their communities and publicly ask for forgiveness. Their apology is publicly accepted. Those involved seem to report that they just go through the motions, but that this gives them a place to start. Having a place to start the process is better than not having a place to start.

As I think about what kind of a world I want my kids to inherit and I think about what brings me peace I am more convinced that as crazy as it sounds, justice must look like forgiveness. Forgiveness doesn't mean saying, 'what you did is okay,' it means saying - what you did to me, I'm not going to do back to you - literally or figuratively.

A couple years ago, I remember feeling kind of proud of myself because I felt like I had reached a place of forgiveness with someone that I'd found it difficult to forgive. I'd been reading some codependency literature and liked this idea of detachment - it's said, "detach with anger or detach with love, but just detach." In this particular case, I felt that I was able to detach with love. In reflecting on it, I was both proud and very, very aware that I was standing on a metaphorical thin line of forgiveness - kind of like, "You and I are good now, but if you hurt me again, this whole forgiveness thing goes out the window!"

Maybe that's why I feel that affinity for forgiveness as a process, rather than a point we reach of enlightenment and some sort of inoculation against being hurt by others. Forgiveness is often tenuous and I believe we can move in and out of it, but our intention to forgive is really, very important.

So. A day late, but here's to Rev. Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr., whose message of nonviolent protest and vision for people of all races is still happening.