can we prove heaven and why do we want to?

It is 2004 and I am relatively early in my work as a hospice social worker.  I have one young child - about a year old.   One of my patients is also a mother.  She is 43 and a Bosnian Muslim refugee.  She is dying of cancer and being taken care of by her two teenage kids and whatever neighbors from the Bosnian community could help out. She is divorced. In Bosnia, she'd been a teacher, but in the U.S., she's not been able to get a job above minimum wage.  The family is poor.  Though her English is spotty, her oldest daughter helps translate.

Despite the language barrier, my patient and I connect over being mothers.  She asks to see a picture of my son (which, I happen to carry with me - this is before iphones).  She holds the picture, gazes at it and much to my surprise, she kisses my son's face in the picture!  It's such a sweet and tender gesture.  The kind of thing mothers everywhere can understand, as if every little child were your little child and you could love every single one of them with your whole self. 

On another occasion, she asks her daughter to fetch her her orange sweatshirt.  She hands it to me and speaks, but not in  English.  Her daughter translates: "She wants you to have it.  She thinks the color will look pretty on you."  "No, I can't take that," I say.  She insists.  I see that it will be an insult to her if I don't accept, so I do, and I thank her.  As the daughter walks me to the door that day, I hand the sweatshirt back to her - "I am so honored, but I just can't take this."  They have so little in the way of possessions.  I feel I could never be worthy enough of this gift she has given me. 

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I recently finished Proof of Heaven, by Dr. Even Alexander, a neurosurgeon who writes of his transformation from agnostic scientist into an advocate and educator about life after death because of his personal 'death' and resurrection after a massive brain infection.  It's a very popular book right now, probably because it is not the 'typical' near death experience that focuses specifically on Jesus or Christianity, but represents an afterlife that is characterized by spirits and Loving Presence that don't represent one religion in particular.

As a grief therapist, I listen daily to the stories of the mysteries of life and death.   Do I think that many of our human anxieties and ills are rooted in grief and/or anxiety about our fears of our own death or not being able to touch and hold people we love who have died?  Absolutely.

The more time goes on, the more I am convinced that we are asking ourselves the wrong question.  I don't think the helpful question is, "Is there life after death?"  Or even, "is there proof of a loving God?"

The lady I described above gave me little glimpses of what I would call 'Holy'.  There is Goodness, Generosity, Abundance, and Love even in the midst of sorrow and tragedy.  It is yours not only to receive, but to give to others.  When you look for ways to give and receive these gifts, you may find, as I have found, that while there is a lot of the universe I don't understand, I can name this giving and receiving Heaven or God or Love or Beauty or not.  It's not the naming, but the experiencing and that's all the proof of anything that I need.