Thelma & Louise: a couple of good women

I grew up in the midwest United States with fairly liberal, but traditional values about gender roles, manners, and the way good people (women, in particular) present themselves publicly.  These values were reinforced by my schooling at a southern university.  At Vanderbilt, for example, at the time I attended, the 'norm' was for women to be invited on dates to the football games.  If you went on a football date, you wore a church dress and pantyhose and lipstick.  In general, like all of us, I soaked in many messages from my infancy through age 19 or so about how/what 'good girls' are and do.

The first message:  It's good to be good.  Now, I'm not talking about being morally/ethically/spiritually 'good' when I say this.  I'm talking more about good appearances.  So, it goes on from there:  Good girls are polite.  Good girls don't cause problems.  Good girls aren't cynical about people.  Good girls maintain an outward naivete about sex and gender relations. 

I read on Yahoo last week that it's the 20th anniversary of the movie, Thelma & Louise.  Hurray, Thelma & Louise!  Seeing that movie was formative for me, because it expanded some questions and ideas I was beginning to explore about the merits of being a "good girl." 

First, what does it mean for any of us to be 'good' - whether you're a woman or a man?  Whose definition of good is it?

To me, being good, even in outward appearance, is being a three-dimensional person and being insistent that you treat yourself this way and are treated by those around you this way.  It's about valuing yourself and others for their complexity.  An easy example of this (and one demonstrated in Thelma & Louise) is the harm to all women when some women are seen as body parts. ("He called us beavers on his CB radio!")  Objectification isn't just strippers and porn stars - it can also be the 'object' of a 'good girl' who isn't allowed or doesn't allow herself to express anything and everything from dislike to anger to sexuality.  This can cross gender lines the opposite way too - women who see men as a means to financial gain/lifestyle/status.  It does not serve a deeper version of goodness when we see and treat one another this way. 

Being 'good', in a deeper version of goodness is also, to me, not being afraid of your own power.  We are all stronger than we know and are worthy of interacting with the world in a confident way. 

Being 'good' in a three-dimensional way does not exclude courtesy, but values truth as much as courtesy.  I believe we can say anything, but we have a responsibility in how we say it.

I love Thelma & Louise because, through the art of movies, I got to see a different way of being a woman. I'm not talking about the end - I'm talking about the way a character in a book or movie, or even the 'voice' of a song or poem, can free you.  If we want, we can throw our pantyhose away!  We don't have to like everyone we meet.   We can know certain things are unfair and speak up about it.  

We can define being good in our own way - in fact, we have the responsibility to do so.