The Kindred Spirit Principle

Miss Barry was a kindred spirit after all," Anne confided to Marilla, "You wouldn't think so to look at her, but she is. . . Kindred spirits are not so scarce as I used to think. It's splendid to find out there are so many of them in the world.”
― L.M. Montgomery, Anne of Green Gables

Working in home hospice, I met new people all the time.  In fact, every morning I worked, I called a voicemail system that instructed me, not only about who of my patients had died overnight, but also what new patients had been assigned to me since my previous work day.  In the medical system, there is not too much time to linger over loss, but always the next patient.

I tried to care for all my patients and families equally - to provide the same listening, the same compassion, the same resources, the same attention, regardless of whether the patient and family seemed kind or cold, loving or angry, flighty or attentive.

Over the six years I worked in hospice, however, I found that there were certain patients or family members I met, and sometime pretty soon after meeting, I'd feel as if we just 'clicked.'  As time passed I noticed that the 'work' I did with these families and patients wasn't the same or equal.  There was a qualitative, intangible difference.  And I realized it wasn't what I did that was different, what was different was the way what I did was received.

One of these kindred spirits, for me, was John.  When I met him, he was reclined in his Lazy Boy, dying of colon cancer.  Or would die of colon cancer in about 5 months time.  He had a big dog that greeted me at the door and when I walked in and sat on his couch, this big mutt gave me a lick on the face.  "He licks his balls, too," my patient said, deadpan.

So here demonstrates, what I'll call the the Kindred Spirit Principle.  When we meet a Kindred Spirit - we know it and they know it.  We relax into being our Selves and they relax into being wholly them Selves.  With Kindred Spirits, we can give and receive friendship and truth (and humor) freely.  What we do with these wonderful friends is not any different, but it feels different.

Kindred Spirits can be the other mom at church, who looks just as tired out from taking care of her tantrum-ing toddler as you've felt when taking care of yours.  It could be the guy sitting next to you on the airplane who you have an unexpectedly interesting conversation with.  It could be the best friend you've had for 25 years.  I might even think that the L.M. Montgomery, who wrote Anne of Green Gables is a kindred spirit of mine - I feel more connected on this Earth knowing that this lady wrote with such humor, imagination and awe and expressed so many things that I feel, but a hundred years before me!

And thankfully, Kindred Spirits appear at many moments in life, not just in times of crisis.  Be on the lookout for them, be open to them.  Be grateful for them.  And know that they are grateful for you.  Like Anne of Green Gables says, they are not so scarce as I used to think.