Asking for help

In the past year or so a couple events arose in my life that gave me cause to ask for help.   1) My job was downsized and 2) my mom got breast cancer.  To be blunt, those two life events sucked.  But, my life hasn't sucked.  There are many, many reasons my life not only hasn't sucked, but I would say has been overall, good.  But, the one reason I want to talk about is how I learned to ask for help, what I am still learning about asking for help, and what I hope might be helpful to others from my experience.

For a long time I didn't know I ever needed help for anything.  I come from a stubborn, proud Scotch heritage on my mom's side.  My grandmother was often one to say, "Keep your pride."  Asking for help, where I come from, is fine for other people, but not for us.  One time I told my mom (when my kids were very small and my husband was travelling and I was working, etc.) that I thought I was having a nervous breakdown.  "We don't have those," she replied.  Nervous breakdowns, apparently, are not allowed in our genetic makeup.  No one in my family was mean or cruel, but the idea was keep on keeping on.  There's good to that, of course, but like all things, in moderation.

So, at some point, I realized that there were moments in life that I might need help - I might need someone to drive me to the airport, I might like someone to keep me company after a crime was committed in my apartment building, I might want someone to just listen. 

Asking for help takes practice.  It takes practice to identify when you might need it.  It might take practice to overcome what you think of as your pride.  It might be that the people you ask for help are not available physically or emotionally.  That can be discouraging.  Like everything, I've learned to keep practicing and cast a wide net. 
When the tough stuff has come up for me recently, I've cast a wide net by using email. I emailed my personal, trusted extended group of friends.  I pretty much said, 'keep me and my family in your thoughts.'   The support, kindness, commiseration, and love I felt...well, I can't thank those people enough.  Help came in many, many forms - from encouraging emails, to job leads, to articles about breast cancer. 

In having some trouble asking for help, I know I am not alone.  But,  I think I'm doing a little better.  Like most of what has worked for my mental health is - try giving it a try.  Then, keep trying - if you ask the wrong people, try other people.  If you don't get the help you want or need this time, tweak it the next time.  Be specific.  Acknowledge your losses, but be grateful for what you have.

On a slight tangent, I'd like to acknowledge my friend and fellow poet, Kelli Allen who is doing some awesome work with poetry and vets.  If you love poetry and/or music lyrics, you may be especially interested and especially hopeful that this Missouri Warrior Writers Project might be the right help for some people at the right time.  Here's a link to her blog:  http://mowarriorwriters.wordpress.com/blog/

Take care!