Postlude to Mother's Day: Not all mothers have children

As pretty good, fun, loud movies go, I can recommend The Avengers:  The Age of Ultron , which we saw over the weekend.  Here's a link to a funny review from The New Yorker and I'm really only linking it because it's funny http://www.newyorker.com/magazine/2015/05/04/fighting-on.

In the movie, Black Widow (Scarlett Johannsen) shares a tender moment with Bruce Banner, in which she tells him she was sterilized as part of her assassin training graduation.  She says something like, "you still think you're the only one who's a monster?"  I am taking the quote somewhat out of context, but we certainly see the character grappling with what it means to not be able to be a mother. And implying that not having children is something at best 'other' and at worst, disgusting.

Notably, a number of women I know in real life recently have spoken about what it means to them to be childless in our culture.  One woman  said there is a way of feeling, 'anonymous' as a childless woman.  Another, who has chosen not to have children, continues to get family pressure - her parents make remarks like, "There's still time for you to give us a grandbaby."

I do have children.  I also have a mother.  I also have other women in my life who have acted as mother's to me at different times.  And I've thought a bit about what it really means to be a 'mother.'

There are mother archetypes we all draw on (I just Googled Jungian archetypes: mother), but I'll just define the most basic core of motherhood as I see it:  I feel that the best of mother is 'nourishing life.'  Not just literally feeding life, but creating and supporting an environment where life thrives.

You definitely don't have to have a biological children to do this.  Expanding what 'mothering' means is good for all women.  I see women I know 'mother' in many ways  - we cultivate imagination, we encourage dreams.  We nourish these qualities in ourselves and in others.  We are mothers when we create businesses or mentor employees.  We tend life when we garden, when we read to our nieces and nephews, when we get up at 5:30 a.m. and walk our beloved dogs.

I want to give a shout out to all the non-mother mothers.   I also want to point out that every woman has a story beyond what you see on the outside.  A woman without children does not mean that she hasn't literally or figuratively been a mother - I know women who have lost children, who have lost pregnancies, who have chosen to end pregnancies (no one I know has done this carelessly).  I know women who had parents who were ill and took care of them from a very young age and therefore decided not to have children.  I know women who just didn't want to have children.  I know women who very much wanted children, but their lives took turns that didn't allow that to happen.

As a recipient of lots of love on Mother's Day, I appreciate being honored.  I also honor all the women I know - their rich stories, their loving hearts, and their friendships that nourish all the variety of life.