#day7 - what it was like to take the challenge

So this is my last day of the blogging challenge.  Here's what I learned:  Seth Godin is the devil.  No, I'm just kidding - I still love Seth Godin.  His blog and thoughts about business, creativity, and being relevant as a 'product' in the market are challenging.   Reading him is like having a boss that really demands that you be your best and not just get by.

I think I took this challenge, because, like many writers, I often tell myself, "you should write more."  And then, I don't do it.  For me, this stems from my desire to write something that means something to somebody else besides me.  I write because I like a good story.  I write because I want to try to tell a good story - whether it's with a poem or with the blog or with my graphic novel (which means comic book, for those who have asked me whether I'm writing a sexually graphic novel.  I am not.  But I think it's fun that people might even think this about me!)  If it's 'good' writing, that means something to me.  If I am able to take a metaphor or current event or idea and tie it all these seemingly disparate pieces together - like Broadcast News and Imagine Dragons - that feels fun to me.

It's just so hard to get started and if it's not 'good' or as good as I want it to me, I am frustrated.

So this is my first lesson from the #day1 challenge:  Stop trying to be so good and just write.

The second thing I learned is:  Know why I'm writing.  Am I writing for stats?  Am I writing to get a book deal?  Am I writing for 'likes on facebook?'  Sure.  But, also, no.

At the very core, I am writing because despite looking like a pretty regular midwest working mom, I've had a few extraordinary experiences.  And because of these experiences, I have something that I think is worthwhile to share - whether that's with one person or one million.

Just today, my dear friend sent me this link:  http://markmanson.net/not-giving-a-fuck
This is a hilarious piece of writing with a lot of truth in it.  This piece challenged me too - to be a writer or artist, in some way, you have to 'not give a fuck.'  What if my ideas are weird?  What if no one likes them?  I put myself out on a limb...maybe it doesn't seem that scary because I'm not saying anything that crazy, but what is scary to me is that I believe in it SO much.

I write this blog in a much gentler voice than Mark Manson has - and the reason I do this, is not because I am a goody-goody or that I disagree with him.  The reason I write this gently but also feel so passionately, is because I've seen a gorgeous world, but a world full of hurts and pain.  In my experience, the world of healing is a world where we start by being kinder to ourselves - gentler with ourselves.  Then, gentler, less judgmental, more big-hearted with those in our families and communities.

There's a place for challenge and there's a place for gentle and there's a place for gently challenging.  That's why I learned  this week that I might be blogging more often, but I'm not going to beat myself up if I don't.

Thank you for reading.

#day1 - In grief, holding on to the little things

Ok, so I haven't been blogging, but I've started about four different posts since the last time I wrote.  They were long and cumbersome and only halfway inspired.  But in the meantime, I've become slightly obsessed with Seth Godin, who is an creative guru, marketing/pr/tech guy who has some philosophical and spiritual ideas I like too.

Here's his friend and colleague:

http://yourturnchallenge.strikingly.com/

Here's him:
http://sethgodin.typepad.com/seths_blog/2015/01/getting-unstuck-a-one-week-challenge.html

His colleague, Winnie, is challenging bloggers to blog everyday for a week to get in the practice of 'shipping', which must be a business term that we poets/psychotherapists are unfamiliar with - kind of like putting something on 'the parking lot' or some other thing I learned from management seminars I've been to.  I've blocked it, But I do remember there was a funny send up of this type of thing in an early 30 Rock episode.

Anyway - I'm taking the challenge:  Here's what's on my mind today - no frills, no long stories, just getting it going.

My nine year old daughter and I just finished reading The Diary of Anne Frank.  We lingered over that book for months and I couldn't figure out why, until I realized it had to do with grief.  I felt like I knew Anne Frank - she came alive to me through her diary.   I also came to realize that when the diary ended, I would have to grieve her.  I would also have to think about what a tragic end to her life and especially so since it was so close to the end of WWII.

It made me connect to all the grieving people I've worked with over the years - the one who kept her husband's voice on the answering machine, the one who didn't clean out the laundry bag of a teenage son who died, the one who kept his wife's dish of loose change on the counter for years.  Now we even have text messages we can save or facebook pages.  We long to keep our loved ones alive in some little way.

As a grief therapist, I think this is all ok.  People ask me "am I normal?"  Yes, I think so.  This is a story we are all a part of  - loving deeply.   And losing.  We want something tangible to keep and something that is true.

I just wanted to say that.  Let the voice, or the email or the dish with the quarters remind you also that you are connected with all the other people in the world who have lost someone they deeply love.  It is one of life's comforts to know you are not alone.