So today is a Rattle Bag of some ideas I've been working through and a couple bits that have been helpful that have stumbled across my path recently.
First, I want to share with you, that it's my intent to start work on a book in 2016, and perhaps finish it too. It will be part anecdotal/memoir and part self-help workbook/journal for readers. Through work and life, I've experienced a variety of interesting, joyful and even harrowing things, and certainly been witness to others' lives and through the past 15 years, I've journaled almost every day. It's an important part of how I stay truthful with myself, how I feel connected to myself and other people, how I work through puzzles and pains. If you are interested in reading bits as I go along, let me know. In that spirit, I offer you a new exercise that I've been using in my own journaling, and that I plan to include in what I put together in a larger picture in 2016. Here goes:
Over Thanksgiving weekend, my family and I watched Dances with Wolves together and I was struck by something that had never resonated with me in the same way before - the meeting of the Sioux to decide what to do about John Dunbar (Kevin Costner), who they'd found living alone at the soldier fort. Sitting around the fire, the Sioux men met and each had their say, which was listened to fully and seriously by the other members of the tribe, including the chief, Ten Bears. The men spoke one at a time and paused to take in all that the other man had just said - one man was angry and vengeful, one man was curious, maybe each man had a slightly different opinion, but he was fully heard. Then, Ten Bears, after taking it in, made a decision - that no decision had to be made at that time.
From a psychological perspective, I loved this as a metaphor for how we might better solve problems or questions in our lives - i.e., what should I do about the problem at school, at work, with my friend, with my sister, with my spouse? Many people react quickly without thinking through all the different internal responses they are having. Other people get so stuck in pondering and puzzling that they never do anything. But the important part is, that in order to proceed with wisdom (even, if your decision is to do 'nothing' at this time,) every part of your personality needs to be heard fully.
In puzzling out how to deal with my own kids, who have been bickering, fighting, complaining and hitting each other recently, I drew out a big circle on a piece of paper. I put a small circle in the middle and pie pieces coming from the middle circle to the outer edge. On each pie piece, I wrote a feeling that represented a member of my internal 'tribe' and what that member would say at a tribal council. For example: Disgusted/Exhausted, "I'm sick and tired of all this fighting" Or, Failure, "They fight because I didn't teach them well." Or, Normal, "It's normal for brothers and sisters to fight like this." In the end, I had seven representatives on my council, each with a different feeling about the same problem. Then, I imagined what the chief would say after having listened to all the different parts of me.
What I noticed after I wrote all this down, is that I felt much more peaceful about the problem than I had before I wrote. I needed to consciously acknowledge that I was being driven in part by guilt and feelings of failure, but after admitting that to myself, the "chief" also saw that it was best to listen to the voices that said be both consistent with consequences and patient because this is normal.
I just want to encourage you to try something like this, if you are grappling with a problem right now - what are all the different ways you feel about it - even if they are illogical, unattractive or silly? Don't try to impress yourself, just be real. After knowing ALL the different ways you feel, what makes most sense? Feel free to let me know how it goes - I'd love to hear if this works for you in bringing a greater sense of quiet to a problem that's kept you stirred up.
And of course, in my Rattlebag this month has been deep sadness about the gun violence in our world (we can't just say the U.S., now), terrorism, and rage in general. A young person I know recently shared with me that the root of the word 'sin,' really translates to 'missing the mark' (it actually had to do with archery). I am a person who gravitates toward words and religious words have power for me, even if I am not a dogmatic at all. Sin can be such a polarizing word - lots of non-religious people sort of roll their eyes at it. Yet, missing the mark is a concept that resonates beyond the religious. I think about the overlap of the metaphor - of shooting, missing the mark or hitting the mark, good and evil, peace and violence, injustice and justice. Each of us must look at our own thoughts and actions. Where do we 'miss the mark' in our thinking, feeling, or how we treat others? I know I say it all the time, but our little bit counts in ways we can never fully understand.
And finally, I have been thinking a lot about gun control and what the nuances of that mean to me. I could go two routes - one, is that I do understand that many people feel extremely threatened and perhaps rightfully so, in willy nilly changes to the Bill of Rights. This is how the Second Amendment reads: Amendment II
A well regulated Militia, being necessary to the security of a free State, the right of the people to keep and bear Arms, shall not be infringed.
I just want to pose a genuine question, in tribal council mode: Would the Founding Fathers, given today's technology with firearms, adhere to this? I truly wonder. But the second route I go is more practical, I suppose. I understand that many people who don't hunt or otherwise use firearms are confused by the differences between semi-automatic, automatic and assault style weapons. My own son is a hunter and enjoys trap shooting, so I've learned a lot more than I ever would have known otherwise. I believe that as a society, we must implement regulations that slow the legal processes of acquiring firearms and maintaining them. I don't believe that solves the problems we are facing, but does that mean we shouldn't do it? We should do all the things we can to create a common sense society.
That's the Rattle Bag today, I suppose. And one more thing not to be forgotten - hopes and wishes for your family to enjoy a December that is gentle and full of love.
