As I head into the last sprint before the week of Christmas, I find myself thinking of Carol Kane as the Ghost of Christmas Present in the movie Scrooged. She is one of my favorite comedic characters...I have such a soft spot for physical comedy - Molly Shannon as Mary Katherine Gallagher, Gilda Radner as the Girl Scout. Carol Kane's Ghost's utter silliness and punching the crap out of Bill Murray totally cracks me up.
Here's one of my favorite clips, in case you haven't see it: http://movieclips.com/U2oH-scrooged-movie-the-truth-is-painful/
Physical comedy does two things...it demonstrates absolute absurdity that is part of this human life and it has the energy of rage. It's something I get. I don't know where the rage in me comes from sometimes. I don't know if it's in my DNA, I don't know if it was born of my work with abused kids (I felt deep despair and later,rage, after hearing the stories of dozens of young girls who'd been sexually abused). I don't know if the injustice of different parts of life just builds up in all of us over time. But, I get rage when I see it, and I get why the energy of it is overwhelming.
So, Carol Kane's Ghost tells Bill Murray - "Sometimes the Truth Is Painful, Frank!" and I realize just how much this resonates with the message that I've gotten from two different community/racial dialogues I've attended in anticipation of and after the grand jury decision in Michael Brown's death. These dialogue's are called Mother 2 Mother and they are modeled from community and healing work that was done in Northern Ireland with Catholic and Protestant mothers. Here in St. Louis, the two I attended were at churches. They were well attended - the last one had over 240 people present. Black and white women and even some men sat first to listen to black mothers tell their stories - what is it like to be the mother or grandmother of a young, black man in St. Louis? What are the honest and very sad messages that parents feel they must impart to their black sons about the way society is more likely to see them as suspects and perpetrators? How or why should they NOT stand up to authority? The second part of these evenings was conversation and sharing.
What I vividly understood from these talks was the feeling that black mothers express: that white mothers absolutely don't understand the fullness of their experience. Perhaps a feeling that black mothers could not tell the truth, speak freely, with their white friends, neighbors, colleagues, because white people did not want to listen.
It seems to me that we in St. Louis are in a Ghost of Christmas Present a la Carol Kane moment - sometimes the truth is painful.
When I feel anger, rage, the weight of what is unjust...I know what I first need is to be heard. Then, I need to feel validated. Then, I need hope. I need to have the feeling, the hope, that whatever is the root of this injustice will change.
The truth is painful. It is painful to see what's been in front of us the whole time - whether it's Frank seeing his brother or his assistant, or even himself, or it's us - white people and black people, finally seeing and talking about the way things are. Despite it's ugliness, there is truth in most rage. That's painful too - both for the person experiencing the rage and for the world that witnesses it.
As a therapist, I think that in the end, rage is TOO painful to sustain and often brings with it more hurt than help. But, I think it is a seed of something necessary. It is a spark of energy to give attention to. We have to look it in the eye, we have to open our ears to it. It will hold up to us what is utterly unfair and cruel. And when we see that clearly, we can begin.
I think the beauty of Carol Kane's Ghost of Christmas Present, is that though she punches Frank square in the jaw, she is not enraged. Maybe annoyed and impatient, but not enraged. This is why she can be both silly and effective - she doesn't do him any real violence, but she does, metaphorically, help wake him up to the way his world is and the impact he has in it.
I think it's ok for us all to be willing to metaphorically slapped and to wake up. Whether it's about racial injustice or about some aspect of our own lives. The truth is painful, but it will also set you free (shout out to one of the Apostles, I think it was John).
In this life, I've found that I have some purpose that has to do with being willing to change. I have found that life again and again calls me to change. I have to learn a new skill, I have to grow my patience, I have to be willing to be vulnerable, I have to be myself, but that's not entirely the person I was yesterday and that's okay. In fact, that's good. That's hope. If I were in Scrooged, I'd want to be the Ghost of Christmas Present (that looks fun!), but I'm probably more Bill Murray - and my guess is that we're all more Bill Murray. And that's okay too - if we see the truth (even if we get knocked over the head with it), it's never too late to change.
